Identity and Meaning in Retirement

Larry Gard, Ph.D.

Some people struggle when contemplating retirement because so much of who they are is wrapped up in their job.  Reverend William James Byron wrote about this dilemma succinctly, noting “if you are what you do, when you don’t, you aren’t”. 

 

Is your identity as diversified as your portfolio?

Our personal identity can be threatened by the loss of our work role, particularly if we have not developed other facets of ourselves outside of work.  It’s analogous to diversification in the financial world.  You’re better able to handle a downturn in the market if your holdings are diversified.  Similarly, you’ll be better positioned to deal with the loss of your work identity if you have fostered other sides of your identity.


Many individuals have been fully immersed in their business or career, either by choice or necessity, leaving little opportunity to cultivate other interests that reflect their identity.  But I find that with some time, thought, and focused inquiry, these people can discern an identity apart from work.  It’s important to do so, because you’ve got to think about who you really are in order to sort out what you really want to do in the next stage of your life.

 

Here are four questions you can ask to get started:

 

1.    What do I enjoy doing outside of work? 

2.    In addition to my work, what am I good at?

3.    What am I really proud of about myself?      

4.    What good things have others said about me over the years?

 

Finding your identity and a sense of meaning outside of work isn’t always easy.  Sometimes the trick is to use clues from work, and then widen your lens to see the whole person who shows up at the office each day.  For example, for question #3, a retiring businessman I spoke with said he was particularly proud of the deals he had put together throughout his career.  I asked, “what are the personal qualities that led to your success in that regard?”  He replied that he liked engaging with others, uncovering their priorities, and negotiating mutually satisfying arrangements with them.  When we subsequently discussed his identity, he was able to think about himself outside of work and said, “among other things, I’m an inquisitive person who tries to overcome differences and find common ground.”  He quickly saw that this aspect of his identity was relevant beyond doing deals and would surely play a role in his next chapter.  

 

If you’re thinking of retiring in 2023, consider your identity.  When you no longer have a job title, when you’re no longer posting updates on LinkedIn, you will still be here.  What is your identity and how will you find meaningful ways to express it?

 

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